Just a Spark of Madness

Not Over

2007-08-17T06:51:29Z

Title: Not Over
Author: Ashley Marie aka AbayJ
Rating: T for themes.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to ABC and All My Children, the song A Sharp Hint of New Tears belongs to Dashboard Confessional.
Genre: Angst/Drama/Songfic/Three Shot/Complete/Friendship
Fandom: KenLee
Archiving: Of course, just ask.
Summery: Greenlee doesn’t want Kendall and her relationship disappear.
Author‘s Note: My second AMC fic and second KenLee songfic. This follows from 8/15 episode.

Part 1: A Sharp Hint of New Tears

On the way home,
this car hears my confessions.
I think tonight I'll take the long way.
This weather.
The wind outside is biting.

I looked at my friend who kept crying, tears that I knew were my fault. All of this was my fault, Spike was in the hospital because of me, and he was because deaf of me. Taking a breath, I look up at her once.

“Kendall, you have to understand I am so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen, I never wanted to hurt you or Spike…I love you both so much.” I whispered to her and reached out but she moved away to quickly.

“You’re wrong, you don’t love me…you don’t, if you did…If you ever loved me, you wouldn’t have gone in the opposite, the OPPOSITE, direction of me Greenlee, you would have followed me. YOU WOULD HAVE FOLLOWED ME TO THE HOSPITAL!” Kendall said to me, her voice cold and broken. I had broken the only woman who had ever truly loved me with everything she had. The same way I loved her.

It has left me feeling tired & exposed.
You've been asking me to bleed.
It seems these kinds of questions
come too easy to you now.

She was wrong, she was, I had done a bad thing, I knew, I knew that I had but I had been planning to turn around, I…I just couldn’t say that because if I did, I’d lose my life. “No…no..I..I got lost!”

I mummer quietly, knowing I was lying, I had been about to kidnap her son, and I knew all of that made me a horrible person. HORRIBLE. But didn’t it count that I was going to do the right thing? That I had learned that I could never take her place, never take care of Spike?

“No, no you’re lying, YOU ARE LYING!” She yells and I wanted go to her, hug her and swear that I wasn’t, even thought I knew I was. I was a fool, a lying fool but that didn’t mean I didn’t feel or hate that I did this.

Your lack of shame comes naturally.
I should not be surprised.
I should have seen it sooner.

“Kendall, please, I need your forgiveness..”

“Tell me you didn’t say that…TELL ME!” She shouts and place my hand to my mouth. She was right, how could I say that. How could I ask for forgiveness at a time like this.

“No…I…I didn’t mean it like that. I…I meant…I meant, god Kendall, I just want to say I’m sorry.” I whisper softly, wondering how I could do this. How could I make this better, or even if I could. At the same time, I had too. I had too.

“Oh, I know you’re sorry….yes, you are one of the SORRIEST people I have ever met!” She yells again and once more, I take a breath.

You expect me to apologize
for things that you've done wrong.
While you're inciting others.
You're owning up to nothing
and I wish that I was gone,
because you're not going anywhere

“No, you’re wrong…you’re wrong…because I am sorry, I mean you’re right, but you’re wrong, I didn’t do this on purpose. You have to believe that.” I whisper and this time, I take a step forward and placing my hands on her shoulders. “If you don’t believe me, then we’ll disappear and I don’t want. I don’t want us to disappear.” I whisper to her.

Then she began to push me away, trying to keep me away from her but I couldn’t let her go yet. Holding her tightly, I look at her. “I love, I LOVE, you and Spike. You’re my family, believe me, believe that. Think whatever else you want too, but know that I LOVE you both more then my own life.” I say, trying to make her listen.

“GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME…” And this time, she was to strong for me and I fall, falling against the floor hard. “Did I tell you what I dreamt about? Did I?”

“Kendall…please…please get a doctor.” I whisper and hold my side. I felt something crack, I heard something crack and now my breathing was becoming labored. “Please.”

“I dreamt that I killed you, I dreamt that you were here with me and I stabbed, stabbed you right where you are holding now.” She says in a voice that was as cold as ice. A voice I had never heard. “And it wasn’t a nightmare, it was a DREAM. A dream I wanted to come true!” She says once more and the pain was getting worse.

This damp air
is fighting my defroster.
My sighs they ring victorious
& fog this tinted glass.
It's clouded
& so is my head.

“Pl…please Kendall….” I gasp out, my breathing labored even more so.

“Why should I help you? Huh? Why should I give a damn about you!” She yells down at me and she leans down to pick up something from the tray on the floor. Something sharp. “Maybe I should end your pain, how would that feel?”

“No…no, you don’t want to do that.” I whisper and begin to back away but I have to stop because the pain was becoming even worse.

She came closer to me, a pair of scissors clasped in her hand. I swear I saw the glint in the light, as if I was in a movie. “Kendall, please…pl…please get…get me help.” I moan in pain, I felt as I was being cut in half already.

“No…this was how it was meant to be. You nearly killed my boys…you did you know, and…and now, I’m going to kill you.” She was out of her mind, she had to be. She had to be, it would be the only way to explain this. To explain the scissors in her hand. “Goodbye Greenlee, it’s been a hell of a ride.”

The hint of these new tears are sharp.
I try to choke them back.
But it's useless.
I am useless against them.
They are beating me with ease.

Then I feel something going through my other side. A ripping pain that was indescribable. “I…K…Kendall….” I manage to get out, and all of this was way to much. Way to much and then the darkness took over. A darkness that was quickly becoming my friend.

On the way home
this car hears my confessions.
I think tonight I'll take the long way.

You expect me to apologize
for things that you've done wrong.
While you're inciting others.

“Oh…oh my god….oh…ohhhh no…no what...what did I do.” I whisper to myself, looking at the lifeless body of my best friend. No…no change that, the woman who once had been my best friend. Getting down on my knees, I looked at her, feeling for a pulse. When I felt one, I take a breath and then I got up and ran towards the door. “HELP! HELP ME!”

I shout and go back to Greenlee. Trying to figure out what I had done. I wanted to kill her. Didn’t I? I wanted to make her hurt but why was I crying? Wiping my hand a cross my face, I began to shake. I had killed the woman I loved like a sister. Even though she had done this to Spike, even though she had caused so much pain, I loved her.

You're owning up to nothing
and I wish that I was gone,
because you're not going anywhere.

“Oh my goodness Mrs. Slater, what is going on?” A nurse asks me and I look up at her. She gives me a shocked looked and I realize Greenlee’s blood must have been across my face because I was holding the wound I had caused, and after I wiped my face, it must have left a trail.

“GET HELP! This woman is DYING!” I yell and she runs off, I was still holding the wound, Applying pressure to it. “Oh god, what did I do, Greenlee, what did I do?” I ask her and myself. Tears still falling.

On the way home
this car hears my confessions.
I think tonight I'll take the long way.

Author's Note 2: I edited this on my own, so any and all mistakes are my own. I am searching for a beta, if you think you'd like to pick up the job, I'd really appreciate it.

Author's Note 3: This is a three parter and I have the other two parts done. I just want to see how this is accepted before I post the other two parts.

I'm Sorry

2007-08-17T06:49:46Z

My first story on this blog...

Title: I'm Sorry
Author: temp_me_vice
Rating: PG - 13 for mild language.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to AMC and the song is I'm Sorry by Dilba.
Genre: Angst
Fandom: KenLee & AMC
Summery: Greenlee is sorry, for more then one thing.
Author's Note: I am a huge KenLee fan and I hate they are ruining their relationship. This is just my story on how it could have been different.

I painted a picture of you
Your soul was red, and your mind was blue
Destiny laid a light on my creation

"Kendall, I'm so sorry." I said as I jerked up and look at the woman in the doorway, her husband standing behind her. My best friend eyes were blazed with anger and it broke my heart. Just as much as it broke my heart to look at the little boy who should have been my son, laying in the crib. Just as pale as his mother was.

"Get Away From My Son!" She yells and I wanted to cry because I had gotten so far. Spike had been a part of my life and I had ruined it. I had ruined everything but I had been turning around. I had been about to to do the right thing but now it was to late. I had lost everything.

"Kendall, please, don't...don't do this." I whispered as I dodged out of the angry woman's reach. Running into a steal table and making everything fall to the ground with a loud clutter. My hands going to my hair in terror as the items crash and I nearly looses my own balance, my breathing labored.

Kendall just looked at me with hate I had never seen in her eyes. "I SAID GET OUT!" She shouts and once again I shake my head no. I couldn't leave. Not like this. I wanted to say I was sorry and I was going to do it.

"NO, not until you hear me out." I say and takes a step closer to my friend. My teeth reaching out to nibble on my bottom lip.

"You couldn't say ANYTHING that would ever make me want to see you again, so get the HELL out!"

I couldn't hold it in anymore, the tears began to fall. I had ruined so much and now, now I might not ever have the chance to fix it but I had too. I HAD too before it was to late. "No, dammit, listen to me!" I cry out through the tears, coming closer to her again. "Please Kendall."

This dream I had made
A slave of my passion
Reality was always too far away
And we were happy
Until it came too close one day

"Get the hell away from me..." The other woman's voice was soft and I almost took it as a good sign. She wasn't lashing out, not yet. So I take another step closer.

"I never, EVER meant for this to happen. I never wanted to hurt you, or Spike...I love you both to much." I tell her, but she snarls and reaches out and back hands me. Her hand leaving a stinging burning mark on my face and I wonder if it would the be the last touch she'd ever give me and if I should maybe cherish instead of hate it.

"If you don't get out, I will call the cops and have your ass arrested!" Once more, I can't lash out because I knew I deserved this. All of this. Anything she gave me I'd take and I'd try and try again.

"I...I was turning around, I was bringing your son back to you. I swear to you, I was...and..." I try again but this time I'm welcomed with a lunge of her body against mine, her husband holding her back easily in her weaken state.

"Leave Greenlee, my wife doesn't need this." He tells me coldly and I only shake my, because she did. She and I both did. We were sisters, we had a bond no one could touch. Not even her husband. Not even all this pain I had caused. It was still there, I just...I just had to find it again.

"He needed his mommy and I wasn't her...Kendall, I wasn't her and I know that now. That he loves you! Not me and I should have...I should have seen it but I wanted him. I wanted that part of me, you, and Ryan. That last part because I felt that was all I could ever have." I tell her, tears pouring down my face. My heart broken and I needed Kendall because without her, it'd never heal.

And sudden I faced
The truth of my dream
My love had only been a picture, a scene
I suppose I needed too believe
Didn't want too see
You had never been close to me

"Get out." She mummers, her voice void of any kind of emotion and it hurt me worse then her anger because if she shut me out. We were lost. All our years for friendship and all the love I had for her, was gone. Thrown away like I felt I was.

"Kendall, I'll go but...but please know...please...know I love you. I love Spike and I ne...I never meant to hurt you." I whisper and slip past her husband's wide shoulders. Tears still falling down my face and once I am out of the room, take the corner and lean against the wall. Sliding down until my knees were against my chest and my face was buried. Tears soaking through my knees.

"Greenlee?" I hear a voice and look up to see Jack. I just bury my face back in my knees and begin to rock. Feeling his strong arms engulf me in what could possibly the only love I had left. "Shhhh." He whispers as he tries to soothe me.

"I'm...I'm sorry daddy." I whisper, feeling as if I was a small child but he only pulls me closer. Treating me as one. Something I needed right now because I had never gotten to be a child. Never. Not with Mary.

"I know...I know but...but listen to me okay. Everything will be alright." He whispers and I look up and shake my head because nothing was alright. I had been so close to gaining what I loved back and I had ruined it. Just like I ruin everything. I was the anti-Midas. Everything I touched turned to ruins instead of gold.

"No...nothing will ever be alright." I tell him and begin to lean my head back to my knees but he stops me and wipes my tears.

"Let's go home okay...you can come stay with me and Lily." He tells me and I begin to nod because I didn't want to be alone. Not now.

"Okay." I whisper and I let him help me up. One hand clutching my side and one ankle lifted on the ground, leaning on him. "I'm sorry, I know I'm heavy." I tell him, looking up.

"You can always lean on me." He just mummers and I smile a half smile because without him, I would truly be alone.

I'm sorry, this illusion
Has caused you a lot of pain
And I have no solution
I'll try to never be back again
I'm sorry

"Jack, wait." When I hear Kendall's voice, I jerk around, looking over Jack's arm and we both turn around. Me leaning on him heavily.

"Kendall, not now." He tells her and I know he is ready to push me along again but I stop him. Moving away.

"No, whate...whatever she has to say to me, I deserve it." I mummer and just hold my side. Balancing carefully and wait. Wait for whatever hateful words or accusations she would throw at me.

"I...I just wanted to say...I wanted to say thank you." She says and I feel as if I wasn't hearing her correctly or if she was talking to Jack. Looking back, he seemed as confused as I did. "I..I know how much you did for Spike after the crash and...and I don't know if I can ever forgive you for taking him, but I will always be thankful you weren't selfish and didn't just save yourself. J..Josh told me what you did. How, how you cut yourself out with a shard of glass and...and how you made it to the phone." She stops and shakes her head. Wiping her eyes with tears I had never expected to be shed over me. Not now.

"You...you don't have to say this Kendall, what I..what I did was selfish and horrible. I..I can't even look at myself in the mirror. To..today wasn't about getting you to forgive me, it was my first step on forgiving myself." I tell her the best I could because no matter what illusions I had, I had to face the facts. Kendall and me were over, no matter how much it was killing me inside.

I painted a picture of you
My dream was a lie
And the lie became truth
Reality held it's breath too long
It's disgusting what dreams can do to you

"I..I know that...I know that you were selfish when you took Spike but you weren't selfish when you saved him. You didn't have to call Ryan. You could have called 911 and told them you and your son were hurt. New Jersey police would have responded and you could have escaped with Spike. You didn't...and...and because of you I have my son and he's getting well." She once again wipes at her eyes and then looks through the window.

"I'll never...I'll never forgive you. Not for what you did but just know, I can't hate you because you saved my son." She says to me and I want to beg for her forgiveness but I knew I had to walk away because that was what she wanted. She would never forgive me and I had to accept.

So I only nod in respose, holding the tears back and once she turns and walks back into the room. I walk over, or hobble over, to where Jack was and lean against him. "Take me home." I feel him pat my back and kiss my head before doing what I asked. Letting me lean on him until we get to the car where he places me gently inside.

But I'm sorry, this illusion
Has caused you a lot of pain
And i have no solution
I'll try to never be back again

A week later.

I walked outside of my apartment. No longer hobbling or holding my side. I felt better on the outside then I had since the accident. On the inside, I still could barely look at myself long enough to put on my make up. Luckily, if I put enough on, I didn't have to see the real me. Clutching my purse tight, I head for the elevator and pressed the down button and it opens with a ding.

"Greenlee." I hear Kendall say and I look at her in surprised. She had Spike clutched to her and I can only shake my head.

"I...I'll uh take the stairs." I mummer, ready to flee because I couldn't bear to be around her and Spike at the same time. Not when I knew she still couldn't forgive me because I'd wind up doing something stupid, like begging.

"No...do...don't, I mean it's only one floor. We...we're going to go see Uncle Josh." She says and I cross my arms, knowing if I waited long enough, the doors would shut and I wouldn't have a choice. No choices were easier.

"I.If you're sure." I say, knowing I couldn't say no matter what I thought. Any chance to be near the woman I loved more the life, I would take. Even if it meant a 5 second ride to the 5th floor. I don't look at either of them though. Knowing I didn't want to say anything. Nothing it all. Silence was better in a situation like this.

"Ho..How's Fusion?" She asked and I look at her, obviously no one had told her. It didn't surprised me though. It really didn't. No one cared about my stocks, so I had sold them, half to Babe and half to Amanda. They both hated me, or at least Babe did. Amanda tolerated me. Though she had Janet as a mother, so I understood why.

"I..I don't know, I sold my stocks last Friday." I tell her and give her a small smile before turning back to face the wall. "Ho..How Ian?" I ask, not being able to help myself.

"He's good, he might get to come home in a week." She says with obvious joy, something I hadn't heard in her voice since the last night we spent at my house. Cooking up a scent for Fusion Green. But it was to late for memories like those.

"Good, I..I'm really happy for you Kendall." I cross my arms once more against my chest. Trying not to relive any more memories then needed and I wait for the doors to open. Praying for them too. And when they do, I almost regret it. I missed feeling her next to me.

I'm sorry, this illusion
has caused you a lot of pain
and i have no solution
I'll try to never be back again

"Our stop." She says to Spike and glances at me once more. "I sold my stocks too. I..it didn't seem right anymore." And I wasn't sure if was happy or I was sad because we had both lost something we loved. Or maybe I was sad because we had lost us. Shaking my head, I swallow back tears.

"Go...Gotta focus on your boys." I say, coming up with any excuse to make it seem like she just didn't want to be around me or associate with me anymore.

She ignores me though and let Spike tattled off to where he knew his Uncle Josh apartment was. She doesn't take her eyes off of him but once the door opens and Josh peaks his head out with a large smile. Picking up his nephew and look around, Kendall gives him the thumbs up and turns back to me. "Will this ever get easier?"

She asks quickly and I can't hold back the half laugh, half sob. As if it told my whole feelings. "At least you aren't trying to kill me anymore." I tell her, wanting it be a joke but my sob tangled it into a painful sound.

"I..I never wanted to kill you, and as much as I want too, I can't stop loving you. You took my son, you crashed a car, and then you saved him. I want to hate you but all I can do is remember you, me, and Simone and how many times she would have said: 'Dammit you two, okay Kendall, you're not perfect and neither is Greenlee. She's sorry and you both...you both are to big for this. So stop it! Love each other dammit!.'" Kendall breaking off to a half laugh and half sob too. Memories of Simone and the pain of loosing her best friend and I couldn't hold back the tears anymore.

"S...she would. She wouldn't...she wouldn't take sides. God I hated that about her." I say knowing nothing more couldn't be a bigger lie, because that was the reason I loved her.

"Th...then let's not. Let's not takes side anymore. I...I know I...I don't know if I can ever get over this fully but let...let's give it a try." She whispers and before I can stop myself, I am launching myself towards her. The words she had said left me feeling with a since I could fly. That my prayers had finally been answer.

"Thank...thank you." I just whisper and when I feel her arms around me. I bury my face against her shoulder. This, no matter what came between us, was where I was supposed to be. Our bond was to big and I couldn't let it go. Neither could she.

I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I am...

R/R: Sorry I know, SAPPY, but what can I say, I love KenLee and this is how I want this S/L to end. Also, all mistakes are my own.

About this blog...

2007-08-17T06:46:27Z

I will most likely use this blog to post my various fan art. I will also probably post tidbits about my daily life, but mostly, this is for Fan Fiction, Avatars, Banners, Videos, and Wallpapers. I hope you enjoy your stay!